blessed

last week I received a package from my mom [that had been sent almost 2 months ago in order to ensure that it would arrive here by mid November (my bday)]

every time I have talked to my mom over the past month, she has asked if I have received a package yet....and when I would say no, she would almost be in tears over it

I now know why :)

mom always writes little notes like this that I love....

she also always sends little goodies like these including candy, emergen-c (suze would be proud!), and other things I like....

and she also always sends a bag of homemade cookies that inevitably arrive in pieces but every time I eat them until there are no crumbs left (mom's cookies are a precious thing!)

[and yes, that is a piece of bread in the bag....did you know that if you put a piece of bread in with the cookies the moisture from the bread will help keep the cookies fresher for a longer time?...its true - random fact of the day for you]

but after I pulled all the other stuff out, underneath was something entirely unexpected.....

these are stacks and stacks of cards, right about 150 of them, filled with happy birthday wishes, encouragement, drawings, reminders of friendship & commitment, prayers, support, and love.

I was mostly in shock for a few minutes but then as I started to pull piles and piles of cards of the box, I came to my senses and all hope for any kind of composure was lost.

I decided to not read them all at the same time but rather spread them out over many days. there were cards from kids' Sunday school classes at Central (college church) and from Lake Highlands (home church), drawings from my sister-in-law's third grade class, encouragement and support from people that have known me my whole life at my home church, long-time family friends, some of my dearest friends, and of course, my family (even our pets :) managed to send a card reminding me of their love)

most of us know that we are loved. even on the hard days of life, we can think of people that care about us. the hard part, though, is that we often....I often, struggle with really believing that. I trust that I'm remembered and thought of but I also sometimes think theres an 'out of sight, out of mind' mentality that affects us. all that to say, you know when an emotion just lingers right below the surface and you're not directly aware of it because a part of you wants to ignore how big of a deal it is to you?

such is what I was feeling and what I realized as I opened the box. I think it was mostly because so many big things have happened this past month or so with birthday, thanksgiving, and christmas and all of these events being away from my family and close friends.

but Father knew.

He knew I needed a reminder of love and friendship and commitment

He knew I felt heavy and weary and needed a breath of fresh air

He knew I needed the box to arrive a month late (even though it wigged my mom out) because it was right in the middle of this so special season

Praise You Father for knowing exactly what we need and being our great and gracious Provider. Thank you for the glorious and undeserved gift of community and for giving people who are willing to walk this journey with me. And thank you for a mom who supports, defends, cheers, dotes, blesses, and loves her children more than any I know of.

blessed. and grateful

thanksgiving!

had a great thanksgiving here in the city and wanted to share some pics with you guys!

started out with a little football match!

team huddle 

ready to play defense!

the aggies definitely had to represent :)

and we also had to dress goofy because...well, its just more fun

had an amazing feast (even managed to buy a turkey from a western hotel in the city for a pretty penny...thankful to a New Mexico club who reimbursed us for the costs - what a blessing!)

this was about half of the total amount of food that was brought - turkey, two stuffings, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans, rolls, cornbread, veggies, fruit, cheesecake, buttermilk pie, brownies....and my favorites of the night: pumpkin pie and sweet potato casserole! not too bad for a thanksgiving in china!

and then finished off the day with none other than this to get us ready for the christmas season!

I also was able to get to talk with my family while they were together to celebrate Thanksgiving which was such a blessing to me...we had a really sweet time of laughing and story-telling. I rejoice at getting to share that time with them!

recent happenings

so I spent the better part of two weeks of this month in the capitol city for some training and for a retreat. the training was all in chinese and very, very challenging but also really empowering - asking that Father would continue to grow my language and that my story-telling would improve, especially during this holiday season!

the retreat was focused on leadership development - took away a lot of new insights and have already felt Father bringing needed change to my heart and to my actions in some specific areas.

this, of course, is a real brief overview but if you would like to hear more about any of this, just let me know!

here are some pics:

this was my first time to take an overnight train! surprisingly comfortable and no motion sickness!

it snowed that night and so we woke up in the morning to this outside of our window!

someone had some time on their hands this day....fun and creative!

there was a mexican restaurant (glory hallelujah!) near to our hotel. inside is filled with all kinds of tex-mex things including texas flags, spanish music, awesome patterns/decor, and this beautiful blessing.....

(for those non-Ags out there, this is pic of an outhouse that would be put on top of the bonfire before we would play Texas in the big Thanksgiving game...tons of tradition and not enough room/time to explain but just know its a big deal and was absolutely glorious to behold in a city on the other side of the globe from quaint college station!)

while I was in the city, got to meet up with a really good friend of mine who moved there earlier this year - we had a sweet time catching up and spending time together

we also went to the contemporary art district and got to see some very abstract and inspirational work which was really life-giving for me.....many of the pieces were more political than I would have expected, especially this one, but interesting to see some global perspectives on certain issues.... 

you know what oxhide is? its typically the material that dog bones are made out of. but one artist made an exhibit of religious and political institutions entirely out of oxhide....the creativity and detail were both amazing

this is me and my roommate in Ikea - we ran into the kids section and found all these awesome hats so I made her get a pic with me because of my hat fetish!

and, one more! a good friend thought it appropriate that I get a picture with this one on because I celebrated #25 just the week before!

picture shoutouts to my family!

been saving up some pictures for awhile that make me think of my family!

I am so grateful for each of you and how you have taught, loved, and supported me all these years. we have been through some stormy seasons but I praise Father because I see so clearly how He has used those times to grow us and form us more into the people He wants us to be. I could not have hand-picked a group of people that I would rather share my life with.

I love each of you so much,

court

in honor of my uncle - if only you were here to do the work on my apartment, this flooding of my living room due to faulty installation would have never happened! grateful for your expertise in just about every field, how excited you get about new gadgets, how much work and time you put into researching things for us, how you have such power of influence in our family, and how you have always supported me

to my aunt Kim: in moments like this (which are often), I so wish that you were here to take pictures and laugh with me. you have such an eye for great scrapbooking material and I'm pretty sure this would make the cut because...

#1. the Chinglish on the sign is hilarious (it says, "Tender fragrant grass How hard-hearted to trample them") and

#2. ironically these men have not seemed to notice or care about not following instructions!

miss your jokes and stories that never fail to make me laugh and how authentic/honest you are about your thoughts and feelings. this has taught me a lot about being transparent. you are also great at pursuing, initiating, and have a heart to serve - so thankful for you

to auntie, whose garden would put even the most beautiful, colorful flowers to shame. I appreciate how you have cared for our family and especially how you have faithfully cared for your sister. even though I don't have a blood sister, I have some precious sisters that might as well be blood, and I hope that I can love and connect with them as diligently and purposely as you always have with yours. you are a survivor and a fighter - from breast cancer to the struggles of age - you are an example in perseverance and that everyday is a blessing and is filled with purpose

to my dad, the history buff, war veteran, and one of my most trusted counselors...this is the famous river Kwai. how I would love to bring you here, the battlefields of Germany, and Chicago and DC and just soak up time with you and your knowledge on history and the wisdom that it has brought to your life. your faith challenges me and your steadfastness gives me such a sense of peace and comfort. your story inspires me and reminds me that I have a faithful Redeemer who has power to break our bonds when we trust Him

for the hunting queen, the teacher I most wish I could have had in third grade, and wonderful sister-in-law, Laura! I sure hope that your sheep turns out a bit better than this one from our local museum! :) grateful for you being a part of our lives and how good you and J are together. your joy is contagious and your smile lightens up just about any situation. your creativity is astounding and your heart seems to be way too big to be in that slim body of yours. you're a better shot than pretty much any guy I know and yet have such a tenderness about you...you are a blessing to our whole family

to J, my amazing big bro and the brave fireman. we are all so proud of you and how you worked hard to follow your dreams. you are a hero to a lot of people in RR every C shift but you have been a hero to me for a whole lot longer. stay safe. pretty sure that this fire truck is not quite up to par but I do know that you could still drive it like a pro

in memory of Wadie, the best friend and grandpa a person could ask for....I can still remember how excited he would get when this song would come on the radio and how happy I was to just sit in the backseat during our many adventures and just hear him sing. what I wouldn't give to get to listen to your wisdom, help you open presents, watch baseball and spit sunflower seeds, and talk to you about life once again...betting you would be a little surprised about how and where I ended up but hope you would be proud

when I saw this tree I thought about how wonderful it would be to just hang out on one of the branches for an afternoon and watch the world pass by...and although thailand and throckmorton are in really no way comparable, I remembered Nene's stories of sitting in a mesquite tree with not a care in the world during her younger years and wished so much that she was with me on this day to tell me some more stories and spend the afternoon together eating chocolate, chips, and drinking Dr. Pepper...I cherish your memories that you share with me. I think you are a great friend and listener and I have seen in your life how lifelong friends really are possible. you are resilient and compassionate. I crave your homemade cooking maybe even more than mexican food. I love that you could out-dress and out-accessorize any woman in dallas, and yet you are just as content to wear the clothes you found at the last garage sale you went to. I feel so at peace with you and think you are the best grandma I could have ever been given

to the hunters: JP, Laura, Dave, and occasionally mom! Happy hunting season!

Dave, even though JP already got a big one...I believe the King Deer is going to be yours! appreciate you, your emails, your support, and most of all, your love for mom. Father has used you to bring such healing into her life and into mine. you have such strength...obviously physically but even more so emotionally that calms fears and anxieties. you are always so willing to help and serve others without being prompted because of how much you care. your craftsman skills are incredible and how creatively you can solve just about any problem never ceases to amaze me (case in point, the most recent hunting cot!). you are a truly good man and a blessing to us

and to mom: its a little hard to tell by the picture but this eagle is on the side of a six-story building downtown. there is a big square right beside it and I love going down there and finding a bench and just thinking about you and all the things that Father has brought us through together. it reminds me of how wise and how good He is - He knows how to forgive and heal and redeem. He always works for our good and He has a great plan that we could not imagine. it reminds me to be thankful in the experiences of our lives because they always have a greater purpose than just the pain that we feel. it reminds me that God is faithful, He delivers, He fulfills His promises, and that His word is true

"even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint" Isaiah 40:30-31

your words and your hugs give me such life. you are my inspiration and best friend. we will continue to hope in and soar with Him

hope you enjoyed my shoutouts, even if it is only through pictures. be reminded of my love for each of you and my gratitude to Father for His merciful provision to us

dressing up!

so I didn't really get to dress up for halloween (unlike my mom who won her work's costume contest by going as a hillbilly :)  guess its pretty clear where my love for dressing up into goofy outfits comes from!)....  :)

but I did, however, two days before halloween, go to a restaurant where all the waiters wore these old school, mao-supporting army uniforms. the friends I went with are pretty persuasive and got them to let me wear an outfit for a few pictures :)

and no, I haven't switched sides as far as my political convictions....just couldn't pass up the opportunity, even if my attempt to be a serious officer was pretty lame

p.s. the restaurant gave me the hat for free! I didn't even tell them how much I love hats...what a fun day!...even though I don't know if I'll actually wear this one too often :)

so, does that count for halloween? what did you (or your animals) dress up as? 

on our side

it is a sacred thing when you find a song that really touches your soul....like every bit of it affects you....the rhythm, how its sung, the instruments, and most importantly, the lyrics. and its even more beautiful when that song brings you to your knees at the unimaginable mercy of God.....

when we are forced to recognize that we deserve to be beggars pleading with Almighty God for His grace and we begin to wish that we were put together and strong and worthy because then we would please Him...

but then we realize that we, in all of our brokenness and sin and unworthiness, are exactly who He wants to share a meal with...and not so that we can get the crumbs off the floor as yet another reminder of our profound lack of worth, but so that we can feast with Him. we can laugh and share life because we have found our wholeness, our freedom, our restoration, our worth in Him - the one who pursues the weak and messed up and unworthy.

this is such a song for me recently. 

You are on our side

by bethany dillon

the orphan clings to Your hand
singing the song of how he was found
the widow rejoices
for her oppressors are silenced now

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
when You could just be silent and leave us here to die
still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

the runaway falls at Your feet
You are what he has searched for
the rich man is broken
when he stands beneath a sky full of stars

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
when You could just be silent and leave us here to die
still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

He is on our side....what freedom is found in believing and walking in this.

whats a song that Father has put on your heart recently?

what the heck?.....TIC!

so, yes. this is a crane that is sideways and leaning over an apartment complex. this happened last month as this city and the country have been doing finishing touches on construction projects in preparation for the 60th anniversary of the new republic. so the crane was actually doing work on the building that is to the right of the picture where you can only see poles....apparently they were turning too quickly while trying to hoist too much stuff and bam!...this is the result!

this is on my university campus by the way...yikes! it made the local news and everything

thankfully no one was hurt and thankfully I also happened to come upon this that day so you could see the craziness

these are moments when, like a good friend has taught me here, you can only really say....TIC!

(this is China!) :)

village adventure!

a couple of weeks ago, I set out with a few friends to go in search of a village on the outskirts of the city. we wanted to check this out because several of us are interested in reaching out to the poor but don't really know the best ways to go about it, so we went out to explore!

by the end of the day we have traveled about 5 hours and around 12-14 km by bike and visited several different villages on the edge of the mountain that is near our city!

it was such a life-giving time for me to be out in the country with open spaces, see His beautiful creation, be with sweet friends, and to have Him expand my heart more for these people.

I have been trying for about two weeks to get the videos to upload onto here but can't seem to get it to work...but will keep trying so stay tuned!

in the meantime, here are some pictures that I took to remember and to share with you so you could be a part of the work here too!

I like sheep a whole lot!

old temple we came across near the mountain

this is a tree that is believed to have some kind of mystical/spiritual power, probably because of how old it is....

but, just to the side of the tree we saw this huge branch that had died and broken off - another reminder of how all things with supposed 'power' and anything in nature that is worshipped for being 'sacred' will eventually be shown for the counterfeit that it is...Praise Him that because we know the Creator we can bypass worship of the created and can give our worship straight to Him!

sketchy bridge that was broken on one side that we, of course, had to walk on :)

I have a thing for doors!

harvesting right in middle of the road!

these little flowers were growing right out of the gutter. I loved them and thought that it was just like Father to have such beauty grow out of filth and trash...and I also thought that this is exactly what He does in our lives when we allow Him to take our mistakes and our brokenness....He works with such creativity and purpose! 

wind was a bit strong so a tumbleweed got me!

windy and a little rainy but nonetheless, a beautiful day! a home in the village with the mountain behind!

heritage

in the spring I had the privilege of going to a women's retreat that was focused on rest and refreshment from Father and in community. I was so encouraged by our speaker - her life experiences, passion, vulnerability, and her obedient walk with Father.

One of the stories she shared was about how during the time that her and her husband were dating, he would send her love letters and at the end of the letter he would sign them like this....

in the name of the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob,

John

she said she always thought that it was a bit peculiar and that maybe he was trying to be too spiritual....she wondered what was wrong with 'all my love', 'thinking of you', etc.

but she shared about as she continued to get to know him more and more, she learned how important the idea of a spiritual heritage was to him....the idea of a legacy and that we are a part of God's continued faithfulness to His people.

I thought this was so beautiful when I was at the retreat and now, months later, I am still astounded.

in the name of the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

these men are known as the patriarchs...forefathers. God kept His promises to them. He maintained His covenant even in the midst of disobedience and idolatry. He promised a son when there was barrenness and He provided that son at an outlandish age. He challenged by asking for a sacrifice that was too painful to imagine and then provided a ram at just the right time. He blessed them with land and abundance. He protected them from their enemies. He wrestled with them to show His power and His glory. He met them and revealed Himself to them.

I probably sound like a broken record...even to myself I do...but man, is this not a call to remember?! to look at the word with new eyes and new excitement and see that this same God that provides, protects, loves, forgives, wrestles, challenges, blesses, reveals Himself to all these people, does all of these things in our lives too! that we are now grafted in and allowed to be just a small piece of this beautiful work of redemption and restoration that God has been working on for all time!

for me, this gives me great hope and peace. He will not abandon His people or the works of His hands. He will not leave or forsake us. He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love.

He is the God of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob.....and of Courtney.       

Hallelujah.

Thank You that Your promises and Your faithfulness are everlasting!

remembering skiing/snowboarding/tubing!

so, after I had arrived in China in January and I had been here for only a few short weeks some good friends and I found a place where we could ski and snowboard outside of the city! 

this was a tremendous blessing because we were getting a bit stir crazy having to stay indoors most of the time with the freezing cold that was going on outside! plus the place we found was kind of a one-stop shop deal - could get clothes, boots, lift tickets, and skis/snowboards all in the same building...think Americans need to clue into this amazing idea!

I think I ended up going 3 different times! :)

my first time snowboarding! hard to adjust but crazy fun

this is me and my really good friend, Jenny

p.s. mom, don't know if you'll be able to watch the video :)

remembering

well because I should have done this some time ago, I'm going to occasionally go back and remember some things and let you in to some experiences that I have been through

hope you enjoy these snapshots of different points in my journey!

glorious

I took this picture outside of my living room window.

it was only for a few minutes but it was breath-taking and glorious

what things in nature inspire and give you life?

titles are important. and worth the wait :)

well, this has definitely been a long time coming.

when blogging first became popular, I was pretty much totally opposed to it - I mean, an online journal for everyone to see? whats that about?

but, here I am...not too many years later, mind you, and am beginning one myself. Father has been using truths that I believe like....

1. remembering the great things that He has done in our lives as a way to praise Him for His faithfulness, 

2. the importance of community and of sharing life together, 

3. that community really can be shared electronically, and even though its not ideal, it must happen because He made us to connect and grow together, no matter how close or far the distance

....Hes been using these truths to open up my heart in a new way and even though its a little weird to post my heart online, I'm excited to share life and more than that, I'm grateful for how He brings change.

so, now: explanations.

my good friends who have been pestering me for just about a year now to get this thing started know that my issue all along was what to name it....yeah, yeah....I truly do know that its not a huge deal and its all about the content - the stories, the pictures, the connecting

but needless to say, to me its important

thought about all kinds of things, concepts, ideas that mean a lot to me - redemption, hebrews 6, isaiah 62, psalm 126, my heart songs, on and on and on

but, there were two ideas that I just couldn't shake....

chronicles. and the jordan river.

a few summers ago I studied 1 and 2 Chronicles. to be honest, I wasn't terribly excited about studying them...but I mean, its the word of God and its all important so thought I should press on. Don't know what it was really...something about the title that seemed stuffy and old and full of boring stuff

but, whoa, was I wrong. Father took me on a ride of faith and encouragement reading story after story of Him showing up in power and mercy and more than anything else, with His everlasting covenant of faithfulness. I was floored in reading about David, Solomon, the temple, Jehoshaphat, Josiah, and most of all, God's love for His people Israel.

But also, my heart clued in to the beauty of a chronicle - a record, stories, narratives, history written to be remembered and reflected upon, and above all, a reminder that we must never forget what He has brought us through and done in our lives. Chronicles are specific and personal and they show His unimaginable creativity in how He works in our lives. They show that He really does know what Hes doing and that, turns out, He is faithful. He is sovereign. and He is so good. When we remember, its humbling because all of a sudden, it becomes so clear that it is only by His grace that we can make it through or accomplish anything.

could keep going, but all this to say, I want to be someone who remembers. who encourages others to remember. who shares chronicles of His faithfulness. who says with my life and with my words that, it is all for Your glory Jesus.

the first time I really remember studying the Jordan River was through a book called Believing God. the section of the book that talked about Joshua 4 & 5 gripped my heart with such meaning and intensity, that even to this day, it has not loosened its hold. I can't go a few days without thinking about it or seeing my life somehow symbolically within the banks of the Jordan.

you need to read it for yourself if you haven't or if its been awhile, but it gets to me so much because I can see our lives in it...I can see my life in it. 

I can so easily identify with the Israelites and what they were feeling. I mean, God had made a promise to His people Israel that He would bring them into Canaan, their promised land... 

but, they had been in bondage in Egypt for hundreds of years. and He brought them out. then they were in the wilderness for 40 years because of their disobedience to Him. and yet He brought them out of that.

and now, they are at the banks of the Jordan. The only thing separating them from their promised land is this river which He miraculously parts at the very moment that the priests step into the water (sidenote: is that not amazing? He wants us to walk in trust of Him and when we step forward in dependence, that very moment, He breaks down the barrier that has been keeping us from the place of abundance and blessing that He has planned for us! phew, I could just stop there! His word is brilliant and so life-giving)

to keep going, 

I can just imagine myself being in this herd of people walking forward. I would probably end up being somewhere towards the middle of the line because lets face it, we could be attacked by enemies from the front or the back. Can imagine walking and finally making it to the shoreline. People are walking ahead which is an encouragement but as I go further into the river, it gets deeper and deeper, a little steep, and maybe a little dark. I would have to stop for a minute to process whats going down in my heart.

I realize that I'm scared. I knew what Egypt was like - hard labor and slave-drivers and bondage but at least I knew what to expect. I knew what the wilderness was like - wandering, bitterness, disobedience, frustrations, fear...but hey, even that, can seem familiar after awhile. but this road ahead is utterly terrifying. this is the thing that God has promised our people for generations and now its here. And all I can seem to think is I want to turn and run as fast as I can back to what I know. Yeah, I may not be in the abundance and clear provision of God, but I'll survive...I'll make it.

but,

then I remember. I remember that He has come through on every single promise that He has ever given us. I remember the stories mom and dad told me about Noah and that humongous boat and how Elohim (Lord God) preserved His people, and Abraham dreading the top of the mountain but Jehovah Jireh (Lord who provides) providing a lamb instead, of Joseph and how when everything seemed hopeless, Jehovah Gmolah (Lord who brings restitution) rose him to a place of power and influence in order to be used to save His people....those stories weren't just made up. I remember how my parents and grandparents spoke of these people with tears in their eyes at the great love of God. I know that He is real. I know He is true.

I saw with my own eyes the plagues of Egypt as a small child, the pillars of fire and clouds, the Red Sea. I saw Moses come down the mountain with the very law and words of God. I saw manna come from heaven to meet our needs even when we were so unbelieving. truly everything has seemed against us but Jehovah has brought us through every single time. He has proven His faithfulness over and over again.

so after my time of processing and remembering, I make a decision in my heart. I am going to trust Him. I am going to walk forward. Not because the people around me are going but because I have realized that He can be trusted, that He will not let me personally or us communally down. I'm going to face whatever is ahead in this unknown Canaan with faith and perspective.

whoa. think its time to digress. :)

we can all connect with this. Being faced with decisions to believe Him and trust His character and His promises, in spite of our current situations. and then when we decide in our hearts to trust....bam! welcome to the promised land! welcome to the God-given and God-promised place of freedom and abundance and intimacy with Him!

and, thats not even all of the story yet!

when all the people made it through the river, God told Joshua to take up 12 stones out of the Jordan and to stand them up as a memorial....

"in the future when your descendants ask their fathers, 'what do these stones mean?' tell them, 'Israel crossed over on dry ground.' He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the Lord is powerful, and so that you might always fear the Lord your God."

joshua 4:21-24

hence, stones of remembrance - the events of our lives that Father has brought us through that show that His hand is powerful, that He has always been at work, that He has a beautiful plan and that it might involve pain but it will always involve His presence, His love, and His healing.

so, can't shake these things. and pray that I never will.

also, can't promise all posts will be this long or deep but hey, 

titles really are important :)

thanks for joining in on this journey with me!

p.s. if you don't know what your specific 'stones of remembrance' are, you should take some time to remember and praise Him!